Finding Your Positive Balance

Finding Your Positive Balance
by Jane Perry, Organisational Psychologist, Positive Leadership Coach & Mindfulness Therapist​

  
Positive Psychology is sometimes thought to be a recipe for happiness or a method of becoming content and positive at all times, as though it were a state of being or even a potential condition. Imagine being happy all the time? I can't and I doubt I would like it anymore than being sad all of the time.
Positive and negative emotions are part and parcel of being human but there is a widely held principle that we are all susceptible to what is called 'the negativity bias'. This means that our brains are automatically more sensitivite to negative news and react faster and more intensely to what we deem to be negative.  
It seems that this capacity to focus on what we perceive as threatening is part of our evolved make-up: historically it kept us alert to danger and therefore safe in an uncertain world. This protective force is still evident and useful today although many of the threats our ancestors experienced are either highly unlikely or have been replaced by other, less obvious but insidious threats. 
Unpleasant feelings are as important as positive ones so we can make sense of our lives and fully appreciate the contrast between good and bad. Negative emotions often play a role in stimulating positive action; guilt can lead to making amends; disappointment can lead to increased effort; loneliness can stir us to seek out other people. The important thing about negative emotions is to listen to them and try to understand the need they are trying to express.  It is also worth noting that certain positive and negative emotions can be felt at the same time, like fear and hope, humour and sadness, disappointment and determination and of course love and anger.  
Those of us who practice Positive Psychology appreciate the purpose of negative emotions and seek to understand the messages they portray. Negative emotions are to be respected as they are an expression of how we are evaluating our experiences. I have found that if we stop and ask ourselves "what is the purpose of this emotion" or "what is it telling me about what is happening",  has the effect of creating a tiny gap of perspective and brings you a sense of control over both your emotions and the situation itself.  
There are times in our lives when we have little choice but to feel the burden of negative emotions, particularly the emotions of sadness, loneliness, fear etc.  There are also times when it is possible to seek out ways to stir up positive emotions. If we can build a habit of inducing positive emotions such as laughter, joy, love, gratitude, forgiveness, kindness and other pleasant feelings. then we can tilt the balance in favour of the positive.
 There is a wealth of evidence to support the power of a healthy positive to negative balance in life and work.  In relationship studies,  couples who interact with a 5:1 ratio of positive to negative are found to be more satisfied in their marriages. At work a 6:1 ratio predicts better team work and cooperation  and in general, it is thought a ratio of 3:1 is enough to keep us relatively satisfied in life.
Barbara Fredrickson, a professor in the University of North Carolina, is the principle researcher of  positive emotions over the past fifteen years.  Her extensive studies have found that positivity increases our scope of attention, our thought processes and our capacity to take a wider perspective. She also found that an increase in positive emotions builds physical, intellectual and social resources which last and can be accessed when needed at a point in the future
Sounds like positivity is worth pursuing? If you think so and you think it might be possible for you then there are some simple ways to help shift the balance. However, as with all things worthwhile, there is a little effort and commitment involved. 
Adopting an attitude of gratitude is one of the most common and effective recommendations for increasing positive emotions. Keeping a 'Thank You' diary or 'Gratitude Journal' works well. Place it beside your bed or your workplace and every day record two or three things you are thankful for. It may be something pleasant that happened during your day, a small success, some comfort you have access to or someone who has touched you in some way. You can strengthen the feeling by including how you contributed to the event or memory.    
Doing something kind or helpful for someone else, including random acts of kindness are good ways to raise positivity levels for both you and the person you are helping. Simple things like opening a door, sharing a smile, stopping to help someone who is struggling or looking out for a neighbour who might need help .
There are numerous ways to increase your positive stores such as taking a little time out to be with people who make you laugh; share stories or great music. Spending time with those who appreciate you also raises your positivity levels.  Going to a peaceful place or just going outside revives your spirit as does any activity that brings you closer to your inner self. The important element in any of these activities is to be fully aware; be totally present using all of your senses to fully experience your haven of positivity. It can strengthen the feeling to take some photographs, make videos  or recordings of what you experience to play back or share with others.  
Positivity breeds positivity; the more you practice the easier it becomes and the less susceptible you are to falling into avoidable negative territory. Unfortunately the opposite is also true. Negativity can become habitual, therefore, it is important to stay alert for our natural bias towards negative states.   When drawn towards the dark side, adopting some of the ideas listed above will help to balance emotions and produce a powerful antidote to the negative states we can be vulnerable to. 

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Jane Perry