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Taking Control: Resilience for Work and Life                                                                                                                 

1/20/2017

 
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Taking Control: 
Resilience for Work and Life


by Jane Perry, Organisational Psychologist, Positive Leadership Coach & Mindfulness Therapist



​Are there certain things that are almost certain to send you into orbit? Are you sensitive to particular people, attitudes or types of behaviour? Do you find yourself reacting with a familiar negative or unhelpful response when something or someone triggers you? Feeling emotions such as anger, embarrassment, resentment, disappointment and hurt are part and parcel of being a thinking, feeling human being, however, if you find your reaction to certain triggers become troublesome then it is worth exploring some ways to regain emotion control.
You know your emotional responses are not serving you well if you are regularly feeling anxious in certain scenarios or with certain people. You might excessively ruminate on what has happened, lie awake playing back what has been said or you might have regrets about how you reacted in front of others when triggered. When you respond in any of these ways you are seldom in control.      
Resilience is often described as the capacity to bounce-back from setbacks and challenges, however, if you keep responding negatively to the same types of difficulties or hurts, then your resilience or capacity to recover is undeniably going to weaken over time. At work, given the myriad of relationships, tasks, outputs and responsibilities that people generally have to manage, feeling confident and in control is important.    
Difficult relationships was highlighted as the number one cause of work-related stress in a recent large research study of UK employees; followed by volume of work; and the third cause was feeling criticised. This was backed up by HSE figures which highlighted work pressures and difficult relationships as the most common precipitating events leading to work-place stress. Anxiety, depression and stress account for almost 39% of all absences from work in the UK and in Ireland, even with a determined reluctance to report stress on sick certs, stress, anxiety and depression now accounts for 24% of noted illnesses.  To put this problem into context, the 2014 EU Labour Force survey quoted a figure of €614bn as the annual cost of work-related depression across the member countries.     
So resilience is far more than continuously bouncing back. Resilience, first and foremost is about belief. We are resilient when we believe we are strong enough to deal with life's difficulties; when we feel we have some control over our lives and work; and we are confident that we can master our emotions and our reactions.
Like all personal change, the starting point is self-knowledge and self-awareness. When starting out on a journey of self-knowing, it is critical to go about it in a positive and constructive way.  The process of analysing and evaluating ourselves must come with self-compassion, acceptance and a dose of healthy intention. Whether we are trying to work it out for ourselves or working with a coach or other professional, the first step is to understand why certain scenarios trigger certain responses.  If we can decipher this puzzle we can then turn our attention to what purpose our reactions serve. This can be a difficult process and what we learn is often quite a surprise.  
When committed to change, we must then change our relationship with the trigger or find a workable alternative to the response. Understanding why we react as we do and having a workable alternative may be enough to bring about sustainable change. However, most of us are reacting from almost an unconscious state; an autonomic response or habit. We then need to find a tiny gap between the trigger and our response; an instant which allows us to pause. This tiny gap gives us enough time to recognise what is happening and to choose our new learned way.        
Different professionals use different methods of interpreting and helping client to control and choose their responses. I use a combination of mindfulness and visualisation to interpret the triggers and responses; positive interventions to broaden perspectives; knowledge of how the brain works & specific techniques to create understanding;character strengths and personal values so the client can choose the best method of responding  for him or her; and of course focused coaching conversations   
It is a challenging but uplifting experience and it works. When you find that gap and you take control of how you respond emotionally and externally, you have built the skill of resilience that last a lifetime. 

Connecting with your Values and Character Strengths  

1/17/2017

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Connecting with your Values and Character Strengths
 by Jane Perry, Organisational Psychologist, Positive Leadership Coach & Mindfulness Therapist

      
Positive Psychology (PP) is generally described as the science of optimal human functioning and study of that which contributes to a meaningful and satisfactory life. The discipline has tended to focus on  human strengths and values, the power of positive emotions, positive engagement  and the meaningful life. More recently however, it has opened out to include areas such as well-being, mindfulness, goal orientation and even physical exercise.  
After studying for a Masters in Applied Positive Psychology (MAPP) over the past two and a half years, I thought it a good time to look back and reflect on the elements of PP that resonated most with me and which ones I have made my own? In practical every-day terms what has PP added to  my life? And… how has it changed me?
I am fundamentally the same person I was before PP, with all the same characteristics, values,  strengths, flaws and vulnerabilities. However, I think a little differently now and I respond in a different way to both the good and great things that happen to me and the frustrating and challenging things that come my way.
So what has changed?  I think my default position has turned further towards the positive. I always considered myself to be a positive person but pre-MAPP, I thought being positive was more about getting over things quickly and having an optimistic outlook. When personal or work situations became difficult I would respond with a corresponding negative emotion such as hurt, shame, anger, disappointment or a combination of these and others. After a period of time I would begin to catch myself and use self-talk such as "get over yourself", "it's not the end of the world" and if I was doing a good job of wallowing I would up the ante with "oh grow up and move on". I would not let myself stay in the mire of negative emotions for too long … and I considered this as me being positive!  
I now know, for me, there is a different type of positivity. My positive default position is underpinned by an awareness of my own personal values and strengths. MAPP takes you on a journey of self discovery and I learned so much about myself through the language of Character Strengths and Values. Character Strengths are our core values in operation, observable by others. For instance you can value hard work but it is only a real value or core strength if you actually work hard.
I  understand now how my character strengths make me uniquely me but also how they can get me into trouble. These strengths are the things that I like most about myself but, when overplayed, they are hard for others to live with. For instance my most prominent Character Strength is persistence. I will keep going until I finish what I set out to do. This is a powerful strength, particularly when you are self-employed, however unchecked, it can cause all types of difficulties. I need to be aware when I am pushing too hard; not everyone is in such a hurry. I have to be conscious of balancing out my time; everything does not have to be done today and that is just the start of it.     
This strengths awareness also means choosing to interpret the words, attitudes and behaviours of others as an expression of their values and strengths. In other words, when relationships or interactions with others are in danger of becoming tense, I will try to imagine how the conversation might be threatening their values or pushing them into an uncomfortable zone. I can also recognise Character Strengths in others from their conversations and can often pick up what might be motivating them to react or behave in a certain manner.
​It is a very positive method of becoming more in tune and understanding of others. I would love to say I do this 100% of the time but sometimes I need to walk away, think about it and then go back with a different attitude.
Knowing and valuing your strengths allows you to choose how you act and react in all situations. It also allows you to analyse your performance and behaviour in a positive and appreciative way while expanding your capacity to perform better and with greater authenticity. Developing the capacity to recognise and appreciate the strengths of others brings empathy, powerful communication, great negotiation and in the work-place, it brings the essence of real leadership to life.   

For further information Click Here

Jane Perry   
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Finding Your Positive Balance

1/17/2017

 
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Finding Your Positive Balance
by Jane Perry, Organisational Psychologist, Positive Leadership Coach & Mindfulness Therapist​

  
Positive Psychology is sometimes thought to be a recipe for happiness or a method of becoming content and positive at all times, as though it were a state of being or even a potential condition. Imagine being happy all the time? I can't and I doubt I would like it anymore than being sad all of the time.
Positive and negative emotions are part and parcel of being human but there is a widely held principle that we are all susceptible to what is called 'the negativity bias'. This means that our brains are automatically more sensitivite to negative news and react faster and more intensely to what we deem to be negative.  
It seems that this capacity to focus on what we perceive as threatening is part of our evolved make-up: historically it kept us alert to danger and therefore safe in an uncertain world. This protective force is still evident and useful today although many of the threats our ancestors experienced are either highly unlikely or have been replaced by other, less obvious but insidious threats. 
Unpleasant feelings are as important as positive ones so we can make sense of our lives and fully appreciate the contrast between good and bad. Negative emotions often play a role in stimulating positive action; guilt can lead to making amends; disappointment can lead to increased effort; loneliness can stir us to seek out other people. The important thing about negative emotions is to listen to them and try to understand the need they are trying to express.  It is also worth noting that certain positive and negative emotions can be felt at the same time, like fear and hope, humour and sadness, disappointment and determination and of course love and anger.  
Those of us who practice Positive Psychology appreciate the purpose of negative emotions and seek to understand the messages they portray. Negative emotions are to be respected as they are an expression of how we are evaluating our experiences. I have found that if we stop and ask ourselves "what is the purpose of this emotion" or "what is it telling me about what is happening",  has the effect of creating a tiny gap of perspective and brings you a sense of control over both your emotions and the situation itself.  
There are times in our lives when we have little choice but to feel the burden of negative emotions, particularly the emotions of sadness, loneliness, fear etc.  There are also times when it is possible to seek out ways to stir up positive emotions. If we can build a habit of inducing positive emotions such as laughter, joy, love, gratitude, forgiveness, kindness and other pleasant feelings. then we can tilt the balance in favour of the positive.
 There is a wealth of evidence to support the power of a healthy positive to negative balance in life and work.  In relationship studies,  couples who interact with a 5:1 ratio of positive to negative are found to be more satisfied in their marriages. At work a 6:1 ratio predicts better team work and cooperation  and in general, it is thought a ratio of 3:1 is enough to keep us relatively satisfied in life.
Barbara Fredrickson, a professor in the University of North Carolina, is the principle researcher of  positive emotions over the past fifteen years.  Her extensive studies have found that positivity increases our scope of attention, our thought processes and our capacity to take a wider perspective. She also found that an increase in positive emotions builds physical, intellectual and social resources which last and can be accessed when needed at a point in the future
Sounds like positivity is worth pursuing? If you think so and you think it might be possible for you then there are some simple ways to help shift the balance. However, as with all things worthwhile, there is a little effort and commitment involved. 
Adopting an attitude of gratitude is one of the most common and effective recommendations for increasing positive emotions. Keeping a 'Thank You' diary or 'Gratitude Journal' works well. Place it beside your bed or your workplace and every day record two or three things you are thankful for. It may be something pleasant that happened during your day, a small success, some comfort you have access to or someone who has touched you in some way. You can strengthen the feeling by including how you contributed to the event or memory.    
Doing something kind or helpful for someone else, including random acts of kindness are good ways to raise positivity levels for both you and the person you are helping. Simple things like opening a door, sharing a smile, stopping to help someone who is struggling or looking out for a neighbour who might need help .
There are numerous ways to increase your positive stores such as taking a little time out to be with people who make you laugh; share stories or great music. Spending time with those who appreciate you also raises your positivity levels.  Going to a peaceful place or just going outside revives your spirit as does any activity that brings you closer to your inner self. The important element in any of these activities is to be fully aware; be totally present using all of your senses to fully experience your haven of positivity. It can strengthen the feeling to take some photographs, make videos  or recordings of what you experience to play back or share with others.  
Positivity breeds positivity; the more you practice the easier it becomes and the less susceptible you are to falling into avoidable negative territory. Unfortunately the opposite is also true. Negativity can become habitual, therefore, it is important to stay alert for our natural bias towards negative states.   When drawn towards the dark side, adopting some of the ideas listed above will help to balance emotions and produce a powerful antidote to the negative states we can be vulnerable to. 

For further information
Click here                

Jane Perry 

    Author

    Jane is the founder of C Zone Coaching and Consultancy, a business dedicated to helping people thrive and flourish at work. Jane is a Business Psychologist and Coach who specialises in building Resilience, Strengths-based coaching and fostering positive cultures and behaviour at work. She has an MSc in Applied Positive Psychology, a Post Graduate Diploma in Personal Construct Psychology (Orgs). She is also a certified Strengthscope Practitioner, Mindfulness Therapist and EMCC member. 

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